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Trauma Keep Us "Stuck in the Past"
That "stuck in the past" feeling sometimes shows up in flashes of memory that come without us wanting them to. It often shows up in relationships and in areas where we feel stuck, frozen, or like we"re "freaking out".
Transforming trauma means that those reactions get unstuck and your energy stops getting so stuck or stifled, or going out of control in fight and flight reactions. As you feel more empowered, grounded, and connected, your energy becomes available to support you in doing the things you want to do in the here-and-now rather than responding to fear and anger that belongs back there back then.
Childhood and Attachment Trauma
When you"re hurt as a kid, it leaves big scars. Big gaps in your ability to meet your own needs and to relate to people who are safe in ways that feel safe, loving, nurturing. Some people with this kind of wound feel like there"s no help for them, no one who cares, no safe place all emotional memories of the trauma.
But it"s not only childhood abuse that leads people to have traumatic reactions in the present. They may also be struggling with attachment wounding.
This wounding, often not recognized as trauma, can happen when a child has to cope with these situations:
Being adopted
Parents who can"t give them the care and attention they need to thrive
Neglect or emotional abuse
Parents who need the child to take care of them
Feeling emotionally attacked by a reactive caregiver
A parent who can"t connect to a child due to mental or physical illness
These constitute traumas for children because these circumstances are overwhelming to a child, because when we"re little we can"t put these things into their appropriate context (We tend instead to blame ourselves or the whole wide world!) and we can"t just walk away either, to find more stable people to connect with. The fear and the anger can linger, as well as the confusion of having unmet wants and needs that have felt scary or unwelcome.
What Trauma Looks Like
Maybe these experiences keep happening over and over and over again
Have a hard time calming downas though your body is always on alert?
Feel sad, afraid, stressed, enraged, or numb?
Have flashbacks to terrifying moments or moments of betrayal?
Experience emotional flashbacks of shame, helplessness, and abandonment?
Feel shut down or numbed outas though you can"t think or feel clearly?
Pick fights or shut down without understanding why?
Feel overtaken by fear, shame, desperation, or anger?
Have feelings too overwhelming to bear?
Find comfort or control in problematic outlets like overeating, spacing out, or finding ways to avoid feelings?
Tried talking with people about past events but lack the words or talking in loops?
Feel betrayed and left all alone?
Often these repeated experiences only make us feel worse and MORE alone.
Sometimes, working with Trauma Takes More than Just Words
When it comes to trauma, words aren"t always enough.
You may find that, when you"ve talked about your trauma, you wound up feeling even more panicked, or just as alone as before you shared it. Trauma isolates us from others, and sometimes telling the story without feeling truly met, seen, and affirmed deepens this sense of being "all alone with it all."
When you have an ally who is attentive to all the fear or anger or desperation that no one attended to, trauma responses begin to heal."
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