"I've recently been thinking about a couple of situations that seem like they could be managed more skillfully, next time. One was that a member of an online group I'm a part of was called-out in a way that was unkind and reactive. The other was that I became more aware of a person's long-standing language habits can be harmful, and how people around this person just let it slide. Though one situation seems like it was too fast, and one was maybe too slow, I'm appreciating looking at both with a lens of spaciousness, because it seems to allow for all that is, and to provide more room for more perspective.
I'm taking a class on multi-cultural counseling this term, and was introduced to a helpful little 3-question prompt (first said by comedian Craig Ferguson), that I find am finding really helpful in helping me decipher speed of response in these moments.
Does this need to be said?
Does it need to be said by me?
Does it need to be said now?
Taking the time to ask myself these three little questions can give me the space I need to possibly create more spaciousness in myself, so I don't respond in a contracted and reactive way. Sometimes, it gives me the perspective to know that I'm contracted and reactive, and should take some more time and space before speaking.
These issues seem straightforward... until they're not. That's when we find ourselves in the sticky places, and that's particular to each of us. It seems to me that these practices meet each of us where we are - whether we're conflict-avoidant, or whether we're quick to get right into it. And in theory, we all want to feel spacious. Don't we?"