It sucks to break up with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Unfortunately I speak from experience. In this article I"ll tell you why it"s so hard, and I"ll give you five steps to follow next time you feel the need to break it off. It"s a slightly different story if you"re thinking of cheating.
WHY IT"S SO HARD TO BREAK UP
The closer you get to actually breaking up with your partner the more fear comes up because you are threatening what is now a secure attachment. Your psyche is connected to this person whether you like it or not. Even if they"ve lost interest in what goes on in the bedroom, or worse yet, they talk while you"re trying to re-watch the last season of Six Feet Under, you are still attached to them. During the relationship, your brain has released oxytocin which has chemically bonded you to your partner. Their brain has done the same. You have literally developed chemistry together. That"s the science of love. When you threaten this attachment, your psyche will try to protect it by producing thoughts that are irrational and filled with absolute fear.
ALL YOUR IRRATIONAL BREAK UP THOUGHTS
If you"re thinking about breaking up, it"s very normal for your mind to start wondering things like, "I may never do better than her" or "maybe I need to make more compromises" or "I guess I"m taking Six Feet Under a little too seriously and talking during the show isn"t that big of a deal." STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! Six Feet Under is a tremendous artistic achievement, full of thought-provoking storylines that touch us all. As viewers we are doing this glorious show a disservice if we don"t give it our undivided attention. What I"m trying to say here is that when you"re threatening your attachment to your partner, you"re psyche will try to keep it and protect it at all costs. But you can"t really believe these catastrophic and irrational thoughts. A better idea is to practice non-attachment when such fear-induced thoughts pop into your head.
THINK OF A BREAK UP PLAN
After you make it past those pesky thoughts, if you still feel like you want to break things off you"ll want to come up with some sort of plan. It"s smart to present your feelings at your partner"s place. If you do it out in public or at your own place, then you may run into a situation where you have to deliver the broken-hearted all the way back home. That always makes for an awkward trip, and it may just end up in break up sex or getting back together. Don"t try to break up in the middle of a fight either. That"s the easy way out. Be an adult and bring it up when you are both feeling measured and balanced. Now, are you ready for the five simple steps to a successful breakup? Let"s do this.
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